wow I always liked Crooked Rain OK but Slanted and Enchanted is really wonderful, it’s just so damn noisy and fun

"It’s that quality—Gallant’s “like-lifeness,” her unresolved presentness—that makes her stories sit so solidly, almost bad-naturedly, in memory. They have come to dinner, and, no matter how late the hour, you just can’t show them to the door."

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/03/03/mavis-gallant

heh

"But when I look back at myself at age twenty what I remember most is being alone and lonely. I had no girlfriend to warm my body or my soul, no friends I could open up to. No clue what I should do every day, no vision for the future. For the most part, I remained hidden away, deep within myself. Sometimes I’d go a week without talking to anybody. That kind of life continued for a year. A long, long year. Whether this period was a cold winter that left valuable growth rings inside me, I can’t really say. At the time I felt as if every night I, too, were gazing out a porthole at a moon made of ice. A transparent, eight-inch-thick, frozen moon. But I watched that moon alone, unable to share its cold beauty with anyone."

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/06/09/yesterday-3

– bridge (36 plays)

atop some bridge at night

split four ways

waiting for the lights to change

molested all his might

with board games

a quarter-dollar spite remains

a lingering web

of what you should have said

it comes in waves

the sound of people’s names

pan-fried tofu was a smashing success ^__^

so that’s one good dish I can make! duk bokki with cheese was wonderful, too, if a little heavy. and the sundubu jigae would be great in bulk.

so that’s three solid dishes. I really want to do bento boxes for myself…my sister and mom both do something similar; I should ask them. I was going to make the boiled eggs instead of tofu, but my fridge is crazy and froze all the eggs. wah.

maybe during the school year I can make most of my lunches and breakfasts, at least, and worry about dinner…

since I plan to have:

smoothie and coffee for breakfast

bento/likewise for lunch

and maybe dining plan for dinner? nah I’ll figure something out

strange how even doing a simple thing like cooking can make one feel so much better

While I was in middle school, I often took the portable dvd player up to the navy bean bag chair in the cozy corner of my room and watched the cooking scene in howl’s moving castle at 1 am or so in the morning

I may have done that almost every night, for a while

I’m glad those days are over

"Lydgate’s hair never became white. He died when he was only fifty, leaving his wife and children provided for by a heavy insurance on his life. He had gained an excellent practice, alternating, according to the season, between London and a Continental bathing-place; having written a treatise on Gout, a disease which has a good deal of wealth on its side. His skill was relied on by many paying patients, but he always regarded himself as a failure: he had not done what he once meant to do. His acquaintances thought him enviable to have so charming a wife, and nothing happened to shake their opinion. Rosamond never committed a second compromising indiscretion. She simply continued to be mild in her temper, inflexible in her judgment, disposed to admonish her husband, and able to frustrate him by stratagem. As the years went on he opposed her less and less, whence Rosamond concluded that he had learned the value of her opinion; on the other hand, she had a more thorough conviction of his talents now that he gained a good income, and instead of the threatened cage in Bride Street provided one all flowers and gilding, fit for the bird of paradise that she resembled. In brief, Lydgate was what is called a successful man."

Middlemarch

I tell myself it’s fine, that I don’t need anyone, that I’m happy and can enjoy passions and life by myself

but then I get so lonely I can’t focus

and just end up watching anime, drinking lots of coffee, and going to bed late to feel better

playing and replaying imaginary conversations in my head

world—if you’re going to make me unfit for human relationships, then at least make it matter less to me

1c

at 12 AM, under some tree outside the dorm where the

girl who is not interested in me and I cooked,

far-off lightning happens.

here, I feel nothing, and that’s calming,

in a way

——

they will ask me questions

what is your favorite modest mouse album

what is your opinion on the state of the modern american math curriculum

your soup-and-sandwich combination at panera is really brilliant, you know

patiently, with a winning smile, I will

answer

but that last one wasn’t even a question! they will laugh

I will not be boring

——

nearby lighting happens

I have one new

notification—an update, to a

group

???..?

it sounds forced

I’ll keep trying