evidence that my thought process is ridiculous~
I did badly at clue in part because I was seeing people all day and really exhausted and therefore wasn’t trying very hard but still conflicted and wanting to try a little? and I didn’t do very well, and I start doing these generalizing behaviors like “oh I’m not really smart because I don’t pick up new things quickly like other people do” or “I’m not good at logical thinking” etc. etc. that’s why I don’t like to play board games or video games because if I don’t win I feel terrible and even if I do win winning isn’t fun
so I leave feeling pretty crummy
then it took me forever to fix something really easy for my research that I had messed up because I’m not careful (“never” careful, I would tell myself), and when I emailed back my prof he said he would “look into that” which to me indicates that he doesn’t trust that it’s good, and really why would he, since I keep messing things up?
I’m tired. Not bullying myself is tiring. Good night.
and let the stress begin
A lot of the video sequences I have to manually select good frames from are by this chick named erika. Everyone else will name their files like s_1, s_2, whereas erika names hers stuff like mit_lab_koch_2_november_2012_erika_3. Which is all useful information but it’s just so cumbersome. And whenever I click on a folder and there’s >20,000 jpgs I have to look at I just start cursing at erika, because I’ve been doing this for so long and it’s really not fun and hurling verbal abuse at this imaginary person relieves my frustration and boredom. But this poor girl, she doesn’t even know all the times I’ve muttered “god damn it, erika” or “erika, for fuck’s sake”, and it isn’t even her fault. So I start imagining what erika does, and what she’s like, and what she looks like, etc. Which is kind of fun. I wonder if one of my two imaginary erikas (I couldn’t pick between two) is anything like the real erika. I’ll probably never meet her to find out. Kind of sad.
That didn’t have a point. But man I can’t wait for this to be over. My wrists hurt meh.
real estate is so suburban
even their name sounds suburban
arcade fire made an album called “the suburbs”
and it’s still not as suburban as real estate
they’re so great
how to finish lots of grunt work in a short amount of time: blast celebration rock
today: oregairu + laziness
professional emails stress me out
it will get better
“It’s been tough in law school. Cause you know, I grew up around here, and I’ve still got some of that ghettoness in me. I talk a little different. I came up with this sort of nonchalant attitude, and now I’m competing with a bunch of private school kids that are ruthless. I’m supposed to read sixty pages a night, and I’m realizing that I don’t read as well as I thought I did. I realized that public school kids are just behind. I did horrible the first year. I almost folded. But I pulled it back together. I took a tough internship that summer and came back strong. Cause it’s destined to happen.”